This Father’s Day
Written by Faith & Peter Dulany
Happy Father’s Day
to all of the dads of babies here and in heaven, and in the womb! It can be a hard day for you if you have lost a child or a dad, or are hanging in the limbo of a baby to come that is faced with complications or unknowns…if you know someone in this boat, it’s time to reach out!
These men are so strong, and often are the primary support for their partner..meaning they push their own feelings aside to take care of their wives or family first. Often, when asked, they may answer questions as if you’re asking about their partner and what you can do for them. Refresh and surprise them by asking again, clarifying you’re asking about THEM, the father. Here are some pointers that you can put in practice for family and friends this Father’s Day:
Talk about it!
Ask how they’re doing, look them in the eyes. Don’t brush over the elephant in their room. Acknowledge it’s hard for them, too…not just their partner! Ask, “What do you (YOU) need? How can I help?”
Say the baby’s name
If they have named their baby, they want that name spoken of and remembered. It means so much for them to know people care about their baby as a real human. If you don’t know yet, you can ask, “have you named your baby?”
Text them on the baby’s due date
If they have lost a baby along the course of their pregnancy, the due date represents what could have been - what should have been. It will be a hard day for them, and is one on which a quick “thinking of you today” will mean the world. Words of recognition are the greatest gift on a day like this!
Put a reminder in your phone
For the baby’s birthday to text or call in a year.
Honor their fatherhood
Miscarriage, stillbirth or birth alike, they are a father. Respect that and acknowledge Father’s Day in their world. And for those trying for children, they, too, should be recognized on a difficult day.
Ask to see pictures
If they delivered their stillborn baby, and you feel comfortable, ask if they’d like to share pictures of their stillborn. If they do, honor that moment and know they treasure that child just like you would a perfectly healthy, breathing baby. Respect their desire either way, but in doing this you open the door to being a support person who is willing to embrace the difficult.
Grab a beer
Or ask if they want to hang out. Make time for valuable conversation wherever you go!
We hope these ideas spark a few words or gestures that will go a long way for those men in your life!
With 1 in 3 men experiencing pregnancy loss, and 1 in 6 experiencing infertility, take the time to care for those who need to be honored this Father’s Day.
